- 9:00 A.M. First ECHO test at Kajang
Light up
the way for me.
I'm
scared of the dark.
Illuminate
the blackest road
With the
brightest spark.
Light up
my mind
When I'm
feeling low.
Help me
keep the dark thoughts away,
And make
my mind glow.
Light up
my world
With
your beautiful, carefree smile.
Keep
away everything that's evil,
Everything
that's scary and vile.
Light up
my candle
When I'm
out to wander and roam,
So no
matter how far I am,
I may
always return home.
-9:30 A.M. In ambulance went to Serdang
Tomorrow
smile at someone
That
you've never seen before.
Take
time to think of others that
You feel
compassion for.
Tomorrow
tell somebody
How they
brighten up your day.
Let
random acts of kindness
Put your
feelings on display.
Tomorrow
hug your children
Somewhat
tighter than before.
Be sure
to think of all the things
You can
be thankful for.
Pat cation a little longer.
Hug and
kiss your parent.
Thank
your God for granting you
Another
day full of challenge.
-10:15 A.M. Confirmation ECHO test 2 result
-10:15 A.M. Confirmation ECHO test 2 result
She has
no special talent
No
special beauty mark
No
invention with a patent
No voice
of a comely lark
No
hourglass physique
No
sunbeam likened smile
No
lingering mystique
No
manicured nails to file
But what
she had she flaunted
With the
style of a fur- lined stole
With the
chic of a runway model
She
flashed her beautiful soul
-12.30 P.M. Result confirmed
-12.30 P.M. Result confirmed
I wish I
could have been there by your side...
For all
the times you've wept and cried.
Know
from my heart, what I say is true...
That I
hurt for the pain you have been through.
Never
alone shall you be,
Someday,
freedom you will see
May your
hopes and dreams come true,
No
matter where you are, I'll always be here for you.
-2.30 P.M. First time in my life i said
"God this time, I give up"
-2.30 P.M. First time in my life i said
"God this time, I give up"
I'm
sorry for hurting you, like the way I do
I'm
sorry for the hurtful things I always say to you
We know
the fight will never last
but
still the amount they do
I'd like
to say I'm sorry for everything I put you through.
It kills
me when we fight, and it scares me too
I always
make you cry and it kills me when you do
As I
write this now, I know this much is true
I love
you with all my heart and will always be with you.
hari ini,
aku aku pasrah. punyalah aku gembira tengok result 1st ECHO tuhhh... semuanya ok je dia tulis cuma ada satu perkataan kat bahagian tu dia tulis moderate. aku ingatkan jantung aku berdegup moderate, kira ok lah tu kan.
tup tup, masuk jumpa dr, dia kata semua ok but ade satu bahagian yang berlubang saiz moderate. mase tu aku chill lagi ingtkan kecik lah, bunyi macam biasa jer. hah, moderate tu saiz kedua daripada tiga, tapi disebabkan dinding jantung aku bengkak so saiz dia kearah membesar. i was wondering that boleh ke kalau kita tukar jantung dengan orang lain punya. yelahh takkan dr nak jahit lubang tu, tak pon sumbat dengan something. memang tak logik lah kan.
disebabkan keadaan itu. aku dipaksa naik ambulance untuk terus ke pakar di serdang. kau boleh bayangkan aku tak sakit tapi dia bawak ambulance macam aku kena gilis dengan tank. tapi hebat gak ah driver tu 20 minit je dah sampai. kat serdang pulak kena tolak naik wheel chair. hahaha best gak ada orang tolakkan sebenarnya. masuk bilik dr, terus buat 2nd ECHO. result sama.
and then tengok dr tu bincang cara2 nak tutup lubang tu. baru aku tahu yang dia boleh kerat jantung kita sesuka hati then letak something lepastu semuanya ok balik. i don't know how my condition is tapi apa yang aku tahu appointment daripada 30/6 jadi 16/3 . but then aku agak mungkin teruk jugak lah sebab my mom nampak sedih. aku rasa bersalah because semalam birthday dia. sorry mom nothing i can do for you.
disebabkan nampak the whole family muram start daripada my father untill my youngest brother , amjad, so aku ajak diorang jalan2 ioi. lagipun dekat jer. sampai jer aku pun terus gi kat secret recipe and asked every one to picked one slice each. Red Velvet lah aku pilih sebab aku suka. biarlah mahal pun. then we go to the steak shack. lepaksitu dengan kek sebagai dessert. even every one still worried but i still can make them laughed. aku tahu aku jarang balik. so ni lah masanye aku boleh berhappy moment dengan family. lagipun nak tunggu sampai 16/3 tu semuanya aku kat sekolah sebab exam. and lagi satu mungkin 16/3 tu kena masuk wad dah untuk second surgery this year. lepastu jalan2 dalam tu. then balik permata.
mase spend time dekat icescape, aku tak masuk duduk luar je perhati adik2. masa ni aku mengeluh. aku kata aku dah give up aku pasrah apa nak jadi jadilah. naluri seorang ibu tu sangatlah hebat. mungkin my mom know yang aku tengah risau. dia datang bawak air then duduk sebelah aku.
"bang nak tahu tak duit kita boleh cari. nyawa tak boleh kalau nak ganti. umi tahu susah sakit macam mana. umi dah tiga kali beranak. umi tahu abang rasa sakit tu. mungkin abang boleh tahan. tapi sampai bila . sekali je lagi dan lepastu takperlu dah. trust me. andai kata 16/3 kena buat jugak, umi mintak abang buatlah ye."
lepastu umi senyum dekat aku. ya allah betapa kuatnya our parents they still smile. i hugged she full with my heart and i cried. mom i swear with my god's name i will take a super duper very good care of you and abah selagi berkudrat.
