FROM KAJANG TO SERDANG

- 9:00 A.M. First ECHO test at Kajang

Light up the way for me.

I'm scared of the dark.

Illuminate the blackest road

With the brightest spark.

Light up my mind

When I'm feeling low.

Help me keep the dark thoughts away,

And make my mind glow.

Light up my world

With your beautiful, carefree smile.

Keep away everything that's evil,

Everything that's scary and vile.

Light up my candle

When I'm out to wander and roam,

So no matter how far I am,

I may always return home.

-9:30 A.M. In ambulance went to Serdang

Tomorrow smile at someone

That you've never seen before.

Take time to think of others that

You feel compassion for.

Tomorrow tell somebody

How they brighten up your day.

Let random acts of kindness

Put your feelings on display.

Tomorrow hug your children

Somewhat tighter than before.

Be sure to think of all the things

You can be thankful for.

Pat cation a little longer.

Hug and kiss your parent.

Thank your God for granting you

Another day full of challenge.

-10:15 A.M. Confirmation ECHO test 2 result

She has no special talent

No special beauty mark

No invention with a patent

No voice of a comely lark

No hourglass physique

No sunbeam likened smile

No lingering mystique

No manicured nails to file

But what she had she flaunted

With the style of a fur- lined stole

With the chic of a runway model

She flashed her beautiful soul

-12.30 P.M. Result confirmed

I wish I could have been there by your side...

For all the times you've wept and cried.

Know from my heart, what I say is true...

That I hurt for the pain you have been through.

Never alone shall you be,

Someday, freedom you will see

May your hopes and dreams come true,

No matter where you are, I'll always be here for you.

-2.30 P.M. First time in my life i said
                                            "God this time, I give up" 

I'm sorry for hurting you, like the way I do

I'm sorry for the hurtful things I always say to you

We know the fight will never last

but still the amount they do

I'd like to say I'm sorry for everything I put you through.

It kills me when we fight, and it scares me too

I always make you cry and it kills me when you do

As I write this now, I know this much is true

I love you with all my heart and will always be with you.

24/2/2016- rabu 

hari ini, 
aku aku pasrah. punyalah aku gembira tengok result 1st ECHO tuhhh... semuanya ok je dia tulis cuma ada satu perkataan kat bahagian tu dia tulis moderate. aku ingatkan jantung aku berdegup moderate, kira ok lah tu kan.
tup tup, masuk jumpa dr, dia kata semua ok but ade satu bahagian yang berlubang saiz moderate. mase tu aku chill lagi ingtkan kecik lah, bunyi macam biasa jer. hah, moderate tu saiz kedua daripada tiga, tapi disebabkan dinding jantung aku bengkak so saiz dia kearah membesar. i was wondering that boleh ke kalau kita tukar jantung dengan orang lain punya. yelahh takkan dr nak jahit lubang tu, tak pon sumbat dengan something. memang tak logik lah kan.

disebabkan keadaan itu. aku dipaksa naik ambulance untuk terus ke pakar di serdang. kau boleh bayangkan aku tak sakit tapi dia bawak ambulance macam aku kena gilis dengan tank. tapi hebat gak ah driver tu 20 minit je dah sampai. kat serdang pulak kena tolak naik wheel chair. hahaha best gak ada orang tolakkan sebenarnya. masuk bilik dr, terus buat 2nd ECHO. result sama.
and then tengok dr tu bincang cara2 nak tutup lubang tu. baru aku tahu yang dia boleh kerat jantung kita sesuka hati then letak something lepastu semuanya ok balik. i don't know how my condition is tapi apa yang aku tahu appointment daripada 30/6 jadi 16/3 .   but then aku agak mungkin teruk jugak lah sebab my mom nampak sedih. aku rasa bersalah because semalam birthday dia. sorry mom nothing i can do for you.

disebabkan nampak the whole family muram start daripada my father untill my youngest brother , amjad, so aku ajak diorang jalan2 ioi. lagipun dekat jer. sampai jer aku pun terus gi kat secret recipe and asked every one to picked one slice each. Red Velvet lah aku pilih sebab aku suka. biarlah mahal pun. then we go to the steak shack. lepaksitu dengan kek sebagai dessert. even every one still worried but i still can make them laughed. aku tahu aku jarang balik. so ni lah masanye aku boleh berhappy moment dengan family. lagipun nak tunggu sampai 16/3 tu semuanya aku kat sekolah sebab exam. and lagi satu mungkin 16/3 tu kena masuk wad dah untuk second surgery this year. lepastu jalan2 dalam tu. then balik permata.

mase spend time dekat icescape, aku tak masuk duduk luar je perhati adik2. masa ni aku mengeluh. aku kata aku dah give up aku pasrah apa nak jadi jadilah. naluri seorang ibu tu sangatlah hebat. mungkin my mom know yang aku tengah risau. dia datang bawak air then duduk sebelah aku.

"bang nak tahu tak duit kita boleh cari. nyawa tak boleh kalau nak ganti. umi tahu susah sakit macam mana. umi dah tiga kali beranak. umi tahu abang rasa sakit tu. mungkin abang boleh tahan. tapi sampai bila . sekali je lagi dan lepastu takperlu dah. trust me. andai kata 16/3 kena buat jugak, umi mintak abang buatlah ye."

lepastu umi senyum dekat aku. ya allah betapa kuatnya our parents they still smile. i hugged she full with my heart and i cried. mom i swear with my god's name i will take a super duper very good care of you and abah selagi berkudrat.